Let’s also assume that you can forgive all the design issues that Crimson Keep has. Let’s assume you can forgive all of that. Ranged combat is marginally better, but even there, the game clearly recognises how bad it is, because the special abilities that you unlock right from the first level up are room-clearing kinds of abilities. It’s fundamentally unfair game design, and makes Crimson Keep difficult because of the most cheap of cheap tricks that it employs. The feedback that Crimson Keep gives you to work with is abhorrent, and it is always finding new ways to damage you in ways that you simply have no way of avoiding or preparing for. Let’s assume that it’s not a game-breaking problem that it’s difficult to figure out the range that attacks have, because the visual feedback is so poor, and let’s assume that you’re okay with enemy animations that are so bad they would be laughable were it not for the fact that those same animations have a way of surprising you and damaging you when you thought you were safe. Let’s assume that you’re not going to get furious and give up on the game when you realise that the melee makes no sense, because you can only hit an enemy is the aiming reticle is right over it, and therefore for most of the lengthy swing animation, it’s like there’s no weapon there whatsoever. It’s broken to its very core, but let’s assume. Let’s assume that you can forgive the game for its technical flaws. Would you be able to stick with Crimson Keep? But let’s be generous, and assume that you can forgive a game for deep flaws flaws if there’s something in there that you enjoy. In practice using hydrochloric acid to castrate yourself, with no anesthetic, would make for a more entertaining way to spend an evening. The “in theory” qualifier is as good as the game actually gets. “Unplayable” in the literal sense that “I sure as hell couldn’t finish it and I would be genuinely surprised if anyone actually could.” Let me introduce you to Crimson Keep.Ĭrimson Keep is, in theory, a medieval first person shooter roguelike. It’s a game that is so offensive to the senses, and so utterly clumsily programmed, that it is genuinely unplayable. Let me introduce you to a game quite special. However, we all know that in the games industry if you can’t be hyperbolic and over-dramatic then there’s just no reason to say anything at all. It is, of course, almost always hyperbolic because “I don’t like this game” is never as dramatic as “unplayable.” It’s not the right word to use since most of these supposedly “unplayable” games can actually be finished, and are therefore quite literally playable. Perhaps the frame rate even stutters from time to time. Or perhaps it has a quirk that makes it less enjoyable than it might otherwise be. It might be that it has a graphical glitch or two that hampers breaks the immersion a little. Every so often you’ll come across a game that one person or another will call “unplayable” because they didn’t much enjoy their time with it.
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